Many people believe they can recognize an Unavailable partner. Maybe they’re married, have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or say they won’t commit. It’s obvious, right?
But what about all the subtle cues so many of us miss, that show when someone is NOT ready for a mature relationship, and therefore unavailable?
Here’s a list of some red and yellow flags to keep in mind:
1) They had a very challenging or abusive relationship with a parent, sibling or other close family member, and have not done significant therapy or comparable healing work.
2) They had one or more highly traumatic events happen in their life and hasn’t done significant therapy or healing work.
3) They haven't had a long term, committed relationship before, that lasted more than 2 years.
4) Their breakups with exes were sudden and didn’t end well.
5) They still blame their exes for the relationship issues, and haven't taken responsibility for their part in what went wrong.
6) They broke up with their exes because they say the ex wanted too much time, attention or commitment OR for a very minor reason. (“She took too long to get ready to go out!”)
7) They moved in with or married their exes within a few months, and things ended quickly.
8) They make big promises about commitment and marriage very early on, before the “love high” has worn off.
9) They are an addict or alcoholic and have not completed a 12-step program or extensive therapy, and been sober for several years.
10) They have very negative self talk (which will evolve into how they speak to you.)
11) They are not clear on their purpose or happy with their career.
12) Their words and actions don’t line up. They tell you they’re all in, but they act, or you feel like they have one foot out the door.
13) They don't want to go on many dates or avoid being seen with you.
14) When you invite them to things they’re wishy-washy about saying yes.
15) They can’t or won’t sustain eye contact for very long.
16) They complain about their close friends and blame them for their conflicts.
17) They don't share a vision for your future together.
18) They’re overly fearful about getting pregnant with you.
19) They’re fixated on a particular body type or feature, and they can’t feel attracted to anyone who doesn’t have it.
20) Their life is a scattered, disorganized mess and isn’t currently improving.
21) You catch them telling small lies early on (or big lies later on!)
22) They’re hiding things from you.
Friends, this isn’t a comprehensive list. In fact, there are thousands of possible indications that someone isn’t available for a healthy, committed relationship. But it’s a start.
And this is why you need to:
a) Know as many of the red and yellow flags as you can.
AND
b) Completely rewire the subconscious part of your brain and your nervous system that keeps choosing to be with a non-committal, wounded, disempowered person, who exhibits red or yellow flags.
AND
c) Learn how to date in a healthy way that easily attracts the amazing person you’re meant to be with and repels Mr./Ms. Unavailable.
Any solution that offers only one of these three elements is a partial fix that won’t solve the core problem.
And, partially fixing this problem is dangerous:
- If you just learn some of the flags you could fail to notice other, crucial signs of unavailability, and get hurt by Mr./Ms. Wrong.
- If you do inner healing work but don’t know how to date strategically, you could easily get frustrated and discouraged before you find them … lost in a sea of Unavailable people who can’t wait to use you.
- If you learn how to date without knowing the flags and rewiring your patterns, you’ll just pick another unavailable partner by mistake.
So … have you been dating these kinds of people, my friend?
Has it been hard to let them go?
Have these “partial fixes” failed you? (We have so many clients who practically tried every program and coach out there before finding us!)
If so, we can help you solve this problem once and for all, and get into the best relationship of your life, just like we’ve done for hundreds of women and men in your situation.
Click below to watch a special video to get clear on why you've chosen these kinds of partners, why you stayed with them, and the steps you need to take to rewire your brain and nervous system, date strategically, and spot an unavailable partner … so you can finally find your match.
This first step is all it takes to get started on the path of healing and creating an amazing love life.
