Deep listening is my number one love language that I desire to receive.
I know it’s not one of the official love languages, but if I could add one, this would be it.
To be seen, heard and felt is the thing that makes my heart open and makes me feel known.
And when someone really inquires – asks me follow-up questions and acknowledges that they heard what I said – I feel so gotten. So loved. I feel like that person cares about me and is trying to get to know me, even when they’ve known me for years.
Listening but not sharing
Growing up, I felt like I held space for others. I was the listener a lot of the time – listening to others' stories, others' dramas.
Being a “lay counselor” to friends and family allowed me to keep things hidden. I didn’t want to share myself as much.
I think I was so sensitive that I felt like if I really shared, someone might not “get” me and it would hurt more.
Or someone would see I am not always happy, or I am not always fine, or everything isn’t always going well.
So I kept a lot of my sadness, grief, disappointment, fear, and anger secret.
I now know that within me is a well of emotional sensitivity, intelligence, and feelings.
Honoring my own emotions
When I don’t honor that, whether that means not speaking my boundary or allowing a partner into my life that doesn’t respect, honor or get that part of me, I am dishonoring one of the most important parts of me.
Wow, this has taken me a long time to fully acknowledge! Because growing up I didn’t feel very seen or met by my family. I didn’t feel like my emotional needs were important. I felt like other people's were, but mine weren’t.
When we share our vulnerable feelings with others, our authentic expression, when we share what matters most in our hearts with others, even when it’s scary, we feel known, we feel gotten, and we don’t feel alone.
Vulnerability = Intimacy
This is one of the things I help my clients do the most – share their vulnerable expression, with their friends, with their family, with their date/partner.
Because when we do this, we get the intimacy we crave and the authentic self-expression we deserve.
Would you like my help with this? If you have a deep desire to be listened to, check out the video I made for you as the first step toward experiencing that now:
Then, if you have an interest in working together, you can apply for a completely free breakthrough session (click the button below the Masterclass), where you'll get a full hour of our full attention on your love life.
Because you deserve to be heard.