There’s a disturbing myth in the personal development and spiritual growth communities that women are supposed to be perfectly happy when we’re single.
Our lives are supposed to be just as great when we’re single as they are when we have a partner, and we’re not supposed to feel like our lives are incomplete without a relationship.
This is a harmful perspective.
Why? Because …
a) It’s not true, and makes women feel bad for wanting a relationship, and …
b) Longing for a relationship is part of what motivates us to find one.
Let’s break this down a little further.
First, you should never feel bad for wanting a relationship.
Let’s be honest … It can feel really lonely to go to bed alone at night. This has always of the hardest times of day for me when I’ve been single.
It’s also hard not to have someone to cuddle with and touch on a regular basis.
There’s even a scientific reason for this: When we are touched in a loving way, we produce more of the bonding hormone, Oxytocin, which makes us feel safe and happy.
When we are not touched for a while, our levels of Oxytocin drop, and this can affect our overall sense of wellbeing.
I have a very successful business coach who makes multiple millions of dollars per year, and just the other day I heard her say, “At the end of the day, the most important thing in my life is my relationship with my partner. I could do without all the money, but the relationship is what makes it all worthwhile.”
Wow! She would be willing to trade millions of dollars in for her relationship, and yet many people shame us for feeling sad that we’re single?
It just doesn’t add up. Don’t buy into the hype.
A good, healthy relationship enhances our lives.
There are so many studies showing the beneficial physical and mental health effects of being in a long term relationship. It’s an undeniable fact for most people.
Second, when we go to the zillionth wedding where we are single and choking back our own tears of grief as the happy couple says “I do,” it reminds us of our priorities.
As we dance a little jig with the flower girl while watching a bunch of happy-in-love couples sway cheek-to-cheek, it’s hard not to be honest about what we truly want.
Maybe we’ve been pretending that we’re fine on our own, or that we’ve given up on finding anyone. Well, there’s nothing like a gorgeous wedding to give us a reality check.
This is a good thing.
We need to be reminded of the fact that we want that true love.
A lot of what we want in life seems impossible at first, even if it’s completely within our reach.
The first step in achieving a big goal is admitting that we want it.
Once we admit that we really want something, and once we are totally connected to the cost of not having it, we will stop at nothing to get it.
When we have the attitude of “I’ll give this my all,” we WILL get what we want, one way or another.
If we are ambivalent or partly in denial, we won’t go “all in” and we won’t do what’s necessary to create a new result in our lives.
It takes some energy and effort to rewire our attachment style, shift our habitual patterns, learn how to date in a healthy way, choose a great partner and then trust the process long enough to get into an amazing relationship.
But the work pays off.
This is why hundreds of my clients have found lasting love — because they admitted they wanted a relationship and then did the work to have one.
The good news is that it doesn’t need to take years of arduous work, like many therapists will tell you. Some of my clients get results after only a few weeks. Most get results after only a few months.
And I’m not blind to the fact that there are tons of MEN out there feeling the same way. So I work with everyone!
Whether you’re ready for love right now, or you want to heal and get yourself ready before calling in your beloved partner, I can help you.
The first step is to heal your attachment style and learn how to spot and say no to unavailable partners, so you can finally stop investing your priceless energy in relationships with no future.
Here’s your next step: I invite you to invest less than an hour of your time in my Masterclass to get clear on the shifts you can make to heal your attachment style and find a great man, and exactly how we can help you get there.
Because … you deserve to have what you really, truly want in life.
P.S. Having doubts about whether it’s really possible for you? Check out what my past clients have said about their journey to love.