In the past, when I would feel a boundary was crossed by a date or a partner — when they would do something that I didn’t feel comfortable with, or blamed me for their feelings — I would see it, but I wouldn’t say anything.
Instead I would keep engaging with the person, prioritizing our connection over speaking my truth.
I was always holding back
I wouldn't speak up because:
I was afraid that if I did I might scare them away.
I wouldn’t speak up because:
I was afraid that they would think I was difficult and not want to be with me.
I wouldn’t speak up because:
I loved them and I wanted to keep the peace.
But in trying to protect the relationship, I hurt myself
What I’ve noticed is, each time I let a boundary-crossing go unsaid, I hurt myself in the process.
There was a part of me that had to go underground to maintain the connection, but that part of me didn’t really trust the connection anymore.
That part of me would feel hurt, or afraid or unsafe.
So not only did it hurt me, but it hurt the relationship when I didn't speak up. When I didn’t share my truth. When I didn’t share that a boundary had been crossed.
And then it became easier for it to happen again.
I already let a boundary go once, so why not let it happen again?
I am grateful to say that now, I would rather lose the connection than not speak up when a date or romantic partner has crossed a boundary.
I know in my heart the level of care and treatment I deserve, and if someone has crossed a boundary, I will let them know.
And letting them know feels so good.
Speaking my truth feels empowering.
It feels like I’m being available to myself and to them for real connection, not a connection based on running over my own boundaries, running over my own sense of self.
This takes awareness. This takes doing the uncomfortable thing. But the rewards are great.
Have you not spoken up in relationships when someone has crossed your boundaries?
What has been the cost?
If you'd like my help with this profound transformation of prioritizing your needs and your truth so you can have the kind of connection you've always wanted, here's your first step: Click below to watch the Expert Interview I created to help you understand the 5 Shifts to Stop Investing in Relationships with No Future and Find a Loving & Secure Partnership.
Then, apply here for a completely free breakthrough session to help you understand your own boundaries and make a plan to help you uphold them.
Because I know you can do this, and you deserve lasting love!
