Most conventional dating and relationship coaches say that you’re supposed to convince a potential partner with avoidant attachment (i.e. chronically non-committal) that you’re the right person for them.
Popular dating strategies include:
- Ignoring them until they do what you want them to do.
- Becoming the most “amazing” version of yourself so they never leave (to me this is saying you are not enough as you are, which is total BS and dangerous to your self-esteem).
- Never making direct or concrete requests that might scare them away.
These strategies might work to keep them around, but they feel terrible, and they practically guarantee a life of pretending. And I dunno about you, but I want to be able to be myself in my relationships — always!
It also puts practically all the responsibility on you to cater to your partner, which is not healthy.
You know what is healthy? Having boundaries.
A healthy partner will respond well to your boundary. It’s an edge for them. They’ll either say yes to it or they won’t.
One example is if you’re with a partner who has been wishy-washy about commitment, hot and cold, or confused, and you’re past the honeymoon phase…
You might be afraid to talk about anything too serious because you might lose that partner. You bend over doing everything you can to “make it work,” and they don’t reciprocate. Meanwhile, you lose your sense of self and your self-worth.
A more powerful way to deal with this is to simply say, “I need you to decide by (a specific date) if you’ll fully commit to this.”
They get to choose based on their truth.
If they don’t choose you, you get to walk away and go find someone who is a total YES to you!
This is different than constantly threatening to leave. This is intentional and based on self-love.
Ultimatums that come from your boundaries are healthy when your intention is to honor yourself, i.e. by only agreeing to a long-term relationship with someone who has both feet in.
And if they say no — OK! Self respect and integrity to your own word are way more important than “getting” the other person to commit, especially if they don’t really want to.
This is just one of many things I teach my clients so that they can get into a healthy, happy relationship with someone who cherishes them.
And I want that for EVERYONE.
There are so many skills — that so few people know — that practically guarantee you’ll find secure, lasting love (if you apply them correctly).
I’ve helped hundreds of women and men find their way out of the endless loop of trying to please a partner who isn't ready to commit. I teach them to reclaim their power, prioritize themselves and find healthy, lasting love.
If you’re serious about transforming your love life so that you can have the relationship you've always wanted, and you’re ready to make space for true love to enter your life, I invite you to join one of our Masterclasses, where together, with my business partner, we explore the 5 Key Shifts to Stop Investing in Relationships with No Future and Find a Loving & Secure Partnership.
It IS possible to have the love you've always wanted. I'll share with you the key steps to healing your past so that you can become more securely attached and find healthy partner you've been searching for!