When you first start dating someone, do you find yourself constantly in your head, thinking incessantly about where the relationship is going and whether it’s going to work out? For both women and men with anxious attachment, it can be hard to be present with what’s...
I’ve talked a lot about the painful experience of dating unavailable men and women, but there’s something even more crazy-making … What is it? It’s dating a perpetually confused person (and trying to “save” them.) When you met, they said they...
Recently, in our Facebook group, a woman asked this question: “Why do I always do better when NOT in a relationship?” When she's single, she’s more successful in her career, she does better in courses/school, she has a more active and fulfilling social life, takes...
Most conventional dating and relationship coaches say that you’re supposed to convince a potential partner with avoidant attachment (i.e. chronically non-committal) that you’re the right person for them. Popular dating strategies include: Ignoring them until they do...
The ability to soothe your own heart is one of the most powerful skills a human can master. Self-soothing is a difficult skill to master. Why? Because we are wired for co-regulation. It’s much faster to be soothed by another person: Someone who loves you, someone who...
One of the most effective ways to make sure you choose a great partner (instead of another unavailable man) is “Sober Dating.” What is Sober Dating? (Hint: It has nothing to do with alcohol!) Sober dating means: … Not creating a fantasy about a man before...
